Since losing Riley there are things about God's character I ponder. There are so many questions I have. So, I talk to him a lot. I praise him and thank him, I grapple with him and wonder about him. Sometimes he answers, and other times he is stone-cold silent.

In those early morning hours after the accident I never went to sleep. After returning home I didn't know what to do, so I aimlessly walked into the guest bathroom and took a shower. I was so naive to think that a hot shower was the answer, that being physically clean and throwing my clothes away would somehow cut the sting.

I flushed the toilet and walked over to the mirror in a small bathroom in the Emergency Department trauma bay. I looked at the woman in the mirror. My hair was violently pulled back in a disaster of a messy bun. I didn't have a trace of makeup on my face.

"You can have a seat right here, I'm going to get you a warm blanket." These were the words the organ procurement coordinator said to me after I walked out of the ICU room within seconds of saying goodbye to the love of my life.

Nothing on earth can prepare you for the devastation of losing a spouse. It's unimaginable. It's honestly just impossible. So what happens when you kiss your best friend goodbye in the morning before work, and he never comes home?